Who Am I?

Yeah, I can tell B and I are having similar thoughts...

I wrote this a while ago over at Hey Bloghead but it seems to fit here. Especially with the tone of Jared's comment, which is beautiful by the way.

I was reading Exodus last night. Cramming you might say, for our church small group. Every Tuesday night we get together and ask similar questions of one another. Every once in a while, the question comes up, "What have you been studying lately?" and I almost never have an answer! I am a slacker! So I figured I would do some study and actually have an answer.
So I started reading about Moses. I mean this is a big major super hero of the Bible right? He has movies made about him! Although he will never have his picture on the cover of an Entertainment Weekly or a People Magazine, he is pretty famous man.

So imagine my shock when old Mr. Moses, in the midst of talking to God and getting directions, stops and says, "Hey, don't you think you picked the wrong person? Who am I to do this big job? Do you realize how big a job this really is?" And God with infinite wisdom kindly pats him on the back and reassures him. Sort of like, "Dude, I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't think you could do a good job. Duh." Yeah, God talks like that some days, I am sure.

B and I found out in November that we were expecting. Two pregnancy tests and we were pretty sure of the answer. Since then, we have heard the heart beat, watched the baby wave and do back flips. Each time I think about it, I get freaked. There is a baby inside me! Do you know what this means? We are going to have a little human that we are responsible for! A little human to take care of and make sure they learn and grow and become the best person they can be. I am not going to lie about how much that freaks me out! The magnitude of the freak-out is immense! I keep thinking less about the baby part of this and more about the raising a human part. What if I screw up? What if I don't do the right thing? What if I just suck as a mom? It is possible, you know. I am so used to my way of doing things, my quiet time, my schedule. All of that is nul and void very soon. What about that?
I have asked God several times... "Who am I that you gave this baby to? You trust me? Really? Are you crazy?"
And I never really got an answer. Not till I read about Moses. Even Moses got scared. Even Moses was unsure of himself and his role in the world. Even Moses questioned God. And God just politely and kindly said, "You will do fine. Just take it one step at a time, and trust me to do the rest."

Just take it one step at a time and trust Me to do the rest.

My friend Heidi was talking about shopping with her daughters the other day when they saw a friend of theirs with a very little baby. The daughters both, being little girls, ooed and ahed over the baby asking their mother if they could have one. Heidi joked saying, "SHHHH! Not too loud! God will hear you!"

When she told me that story, I realized that God had heard me. God had heard B. God had understood our desire to have a baby. And God believed in both of us. Each time I ask God "Who am I to take care of this little human coming in to the world?" God always says in a kind way, "Just take it one step at a time and trust Me to do the rest."